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Friday, 06 November 2009

I washed a good portion of my clothes.... basically meaning I washed all the stuff I still fit in.. and I didn't think twice... and now I am sitting here freezing my ass here cause i forgot to leave ONE sweater for myself to keep warm in T_T.. Im wearing an old sweater that doesn't zip up.. and doesnt keep me warm enough T_T... I'm soo smart.. *rolls eyes*

btw.. I cleaned cleaned cleanedddd! You can see the FLOOR in my room now hahaha.
I, FINALLY after two years, set up the two other shelves I bought. haha
the tops of my desks and some areas still need to be re-organized and etc..
BUT most of the heavy lifting's done.. which makes me SUPER SORE today..
I even re-organized my work/drafting area downstairs.
I added a big book shelve and moved one of my wooden drawers
from my room to downstairs.. my room has more room now!!

Well I'm off to go ty to find more things to keep me warm..
to grab food.. and to finish up.. and yeah..
YAY today's the potluck!!~

Thursday, 05 November 2009

Playing Catch Up

Its been AGES since I've really updated. So I'm sorry that I'll be dropping a HUGE load of info about what's been going on lately with me...

so lets see... Jun and my One Year Anniversary was August 30th. I made him this cute thing... with sand inside and fishes.. and a bunny[Doki] on the top of the lid fishing for the fishes inside.. its super cute.. and took me ALLL NIGHT.. and the arm fell of like 34534 times.. so did the fishing rod.. and the ears.. and.. *sigh*

on the lid it says: <3 Must catch yummie fishies for Nabi<3

see the legs go through and the fishing wire does too~^^

Also.. I made him a t-shirt. His zombie killing self loved it.

but he can't wear it around school because of that whole shooting thing @ NIU

I also got him this 2gb usb drive. Engraved on it is Nabi & Doki~

But yeah.. he got me an acoustic guitar ^^~
I've been neglecting it lately since I've been so busy.. T_T
but yeah he took me out to Red Lobster for dinner that day ^^~
We both ended up getting the endless shrimp and stuffed our face haha

So.. lets see what else..
They found something in my grandfather's esophagus
It's basically what you get.. before you get cancer.
They also found a tumor in his left kidney.
The Urologist thinks is cancer,
but the biopsy from the last time they went in his kidneys
said that they couldn't tell what it is..
..because the doc didn't get a big enough sample.
He still has a stone in his right kidney too right now.
They can finally see it in the ct scan.
[which I might say... at first the urologist thought
there wasn't any anymore but the other doctor said there was
and he didn't believe us at first until he looked @ the report
which SERIOUSLY makes me question this doctor even more
because he had said he looked @ the ct scan before and sat nothing]
But either way.. they're doing the lazer shock thing or whatever..
to break apart his kidney stone soon.. and take out both the stents
Both my grandparents are going to be moving back to HK soon..
I've been crying a lot randomly because of all this stuff going on..
I'm trying my best to hold myself together and function normally
..but at night.. it all comes rushing.

"There's that occasional night where you just break down and cry
cause you know that no matter what, things will never be the same"

With all of that going on..
and the whole thing with the lawyer.. and etc going on
I've been very... eh.. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything
whether it be homework or other things.
I'm feeling quite lost.

I haven't been doing great in school.
I haven't had the energy... nor the will
between work..
and taking my grandpa to all these Dr. appointments and tests
I just don't feel the will to try..
I've been needing to take so much time off work and school
because I'm the only English speaking person
in my family that can go with him.
It's REALLY taking a toll on my relationship with my boss
and even more on my school work...
My brain is so stuck in remembering all the dr appointments and etc
that I totally forgot about my paper, projects and speeches.

I've been feeling quite distant from quite a few groups of my friends.
and really.. one of the people from one of the groups said to me..
that, that particular group of friends.. were thinking about whether
they should even include me anymore in their group of friends.

and really.. I just wanted to say.. fuck it.
Just because I'm busy and etc.. and have a lot going on..
you guys are gonna "kick me out" of the group?
wait.. is that really what friends are for??

Either way... I really don't care anymore.
I'm so tired of the drama.

"Oh, to be taken back to younger days,
when there was no giving up
on the people we held closest to our hearts."

Jun, Justine & I are having our birthday celebration together
It's this Sat downtown.
We gotta hotel downtown so we don't need to drive home after
I'm also having a SUPER MINI pot luck on Fri..
I'm still debating on what to make..
A lot of people are bringing sweets T_T
so we don't really have any.. REAL food..
T_T... but yeah... either way.. I CANT WAIT
Btw Justin's b-day's Friday.. Jun's Sat..
and mine's on next Wed on Veteran's Day ^^~
and I've been SOOO busy that
I haven't had time to really get Jun anything yet
I might have to end up giving him something late =T

Today's Dennis's B-Day..
Happy Birthday Dennis!!~

[click for a bigger ver.]
I loved Prinny.. The game was SO FUCKING HARD.
I got through everything though.. EXCEPT for the LAST STAGE..
I just couldn't.. T_T.. and also I got all the.. secret note/letter things
except for the last one T_T... I'll beat it some day!!

I'm not going back and forth between my DS and PSP
its kinda weird to have a game.. on both of them
graphics wise PSP PWNZ.. but on some of the games
like Pipe Mania.. I prefer the controls on the DS.
The touch screen helps a lot when you're being attacked
I gotta see how things go with Chinatown Wars.

Oh yeah.. I'm TOTALLY and UTTERLY
addicted to Fat Princess..
well everyone thinks I'm more like obsessed..
Jun even gave me his bluetooth..
I made like 5+ friends on it already..
Specially on Halloween night..
I stayed home... drank and played
I am SOO addicted.
It helps me relieve my stress and keep me sane

^ totally what I'm like

Don`t give up. You may be tempted to, but don`t give up;
when you`ve misplaced your hopeful dreams,
dare to believe again in the impossible;
catch a ray of sunshine & hold on tightly;
the one who holds your hand will never let you go.

you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even
months analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces
together, justifying what could've, should've, would've
happened. or you can just leave the pieces on the
floor and move on

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Beyond P-Oed

I can't believe that there are still such IGNORANT people in the world.. but hey.. as my Business Law professor said,"Truth is stranger than fiction. And there's a lot of nuts out there."

This is my reply to the Datingish entry Asian Men=Cheating:
[btw.. I can't BELIEVE that datingish would even let this be on their blog.. but whatever]

I know what you're thinking, ok, my black friend, or my white friend or Hispanic friend cheated on so-and-so. Yes. People are people. Cheaters, idiots, and whores know no skin-tone, race, ethnicity, or size.

The point here is that I've noticed a trend with a lot of Asian men cheating on their gfs. I know this sounds racist, but I've seen and have experienced some valid points to confirm this theory, which is why I'm writing this! Those of you who ARE Asian or are like me that are Asian Studies majors or just so happen to be interested in Asian cultures know exactly what I'm talking about with this. As well as other points such as Asian beat-around-the-bush methods, tatemae (Japanese), and basically just making simple situations complicated for no reason.....method.
You just pointed out the hypocrisy of this WHOLE entry and then went on to try to justify your ignorance.. It doesn't work. Like you said.. you KNOW this SOUNDS racist. Well, when things sound racist, THEY USUALLY ARE. Trying to JUSTIFY it doesn't make it any LESS racist. Yeah I know there are quite a lot of Asians that do do the "beat around the bush" thing. BUT I know EQUALLY, if not more, Asians that are IN YOUR FACE , straightforward, get to the fucking point people.

I think it's because they have such a low self-esteem that they feel the need to cheat with other women. Also, for Japanese men---I think it's hereditary for them to cheat! REALLY! I've even brought this up to my Japanese guy friends. And no not all of them are hosts, but college students, teachers, computer engineers, businessmen, etc. and THEY'VE EVEN AGREED THAT THE CHEATING PERCENTAGE IN JAPAN IS HIGH!!
As you had stated, YOU THINK it's hereditary. Do you have any SCIENTIFIC PROOF? YOUR Japanese guy friends DO NOT constitute for the WHOLE Japanese population. How many of them have you talked to?.. Presumably less than 100 of them right? So let's think about this.. there are approximately 4 BILLION Asians in the world at any given time... and about 127.3 MILLION are Japanese.. How does that make your point? IRRELEVANT. It was irrelevant from the time you said the words I THINK.

Which is one of many reasons why Cabaret Clubs exists..? Even if a man goes to a hostess club that's still considered cheating in my book. If you're rubbing all up on some other woman that's not your gf or wife....it's cheating. Am I wrong?
Why do strip clubs exist? Why are there so many prostitutes ANYWHERE you go in the world?!?! JUST because a man goes into a hostess club, does not mean they are touching in a totally inappropriate manner. There are MANY times that a lot of men are obligated to go for job purposes. If they sit next to a hostess and she gives you drinks as you try to keep your BOSS company. I think that's understandable. Cheating is something that is NOT just physical. If they TRULY don't want it, are FORCED to go because of work obligations, and DON'T do anymore than they really need to do, then I think that's okay. But either way, it depends on each person's perspective of cheating and that's not the point. The point is, there are STRIP CLUBS all over the world. How is that different? Why are there sooo many prostitutes in the world? You're just trying to specify something that is common all over the world to only Japan/Asia. So yet AGAIN.. another IRRELEVANT point.

Japanese men and Asian men in general don't seem to care about the other person's feelings. That's one thing I cannot do is leave a chapter open with someone and move on to the next. If I start developing feelings for someone I'm going to tell the other person I'm with, end it properly, and move on to the next.
Japanese and Asian men in general don't seem to care about the other person's feelings?.. HAHA Okay.. so just to make it easier... let's presume you've dated Japanese AND OTHER Asian men. Alright.. so.. how many have you dated?.. 10? 20? 30? 40?.. okay.. and since you mentioned your friends' experiences.. we'll include them.. all together how many have they dated? 40? 50? 60?.. I doubt you guys have even dated a quarter of the Japanese population of men, let alone the Asian population of men.. so um... what this make your generalization? IRRELEVANT.. yet again. But just to make things a bit more interesting.. I'll just argue your point. I've dated MANY Asian men. Chinese, Laos, Korean, Japanese, Filipino, & etc. And some of them are the MOST CARING people ever. Sometimes too caring. Don't get me wrong. I've dated the BIGGEST ASSHOLES EVER.. but that still doesn't constitute me to be able to go around saying that men from that nationality or whatever are the same. Get over yourself. You aren't the center of the world. You don't know everything nor everyone.

Another thing is Japanese & Asian men are WEAK! They can't handle a woman who speaks her mind! They want someone who goes along with their BS with no complaints or questions asked. I'm sure as hell am not even close to being a ghetto black chick....but I will bring that out of me if need be. I will "take option # 2" as my friend would say. Seriously though, I have yet to meet an Asian man who can meet my standards. I'm not a hard woman to please and I don't make unreasonable requests. I'm a woman of logic and reasoning. And the shit I've been through...oh my goodness! If you only knew! My entries don't even portray half of the crazy shenanigans these dudes say to me whenever I call them out! Wow. I'm getting fired up right now. Moving along....
Weak? Have you met a Korean or Vietnamese girl before?.. A LOTT of them can rip you AND their entire population of men a new one at their will. What standards do you have? What do you mean by you don't make unreasonable requests? And I'm sorry to say, but I can't help but laugh when you say that you're a woman of logic and reasoning. Someone with true logic and reasoning would know better than to try and post something like this and try to back it up with your sorry ass excuses of points. And yet again.. you use the word I again while trying to generalize something. Why does it always come back to you? The world isn't about you. YOUR experiences aren't EVERYONE's. You can't GENERALIZE something based on your OWN experiences. So that makes this another IRRELEVANT point.

I know Japanese & other Asian cultures are different from American culture. But my goodness, common sense is universal. Oh my...if you guys only knew. Anyway, getting off task again. I know it seems as if I'm being bitter from my past relationships. But no! That's not it at all..ok a little bit. But no, other people that I'm acquainted with have been going through the SAME THING or worse with these dudes. Yes, there are all different types of people in different cultures, race,etc. but I've yet to meet a pure bred Japanese man to smash my theory of them being weak and cheaters.
You aren't just a little bitter. You're way beyond that. And other people you're acquainted to? Okay... how many of them are there? How many people have the dated that's like that? Are they with the same dude? Can I ask something?.... Have you ever thought of the fact that it might be YOUR problem and not theirs? Maybe you're just meeting and attracting the wrong type of guys? Maybe you need to be a better judge of character? Or maybe you're just setting yourself up to like all these types of guys just so you can be like boo hooo look the Asian men hurt my feelings. And WOW.. PURE BRED?... are we talking about dogs here? And here it is again.. ANOTHER IRRELEVANT point.

Yes, it's harsh and I know I'll get comments from people saying "Well what if I say all black girls are loud, ghetto, and ugly!" Be my guest because that just shows you didn't read this post correctly and you fail at reading & comprehension. For future references, because I know I'm gonna get these as well....YES I'VE DATED OTHER THAN JAPANESE & ASIAN MEN.
Oh wowwww you've dated other than Japanese and Asian men before!!~ Good for you! How many? Is that what you're comparing them to? The"other" guys?

So, my question is do you think it's true that Asian men are more prone to cheat? Do you think Asian men are more attracted to women who do not voice their opinions?
All your points are irrelevant and have no back up to it. This is all starting to sound like a sad excuse of an entry from someone bitter that just want attention and wants to be like HEY LOOOOKKKK at what all the evil Asian men did to me and my frienddsss. I'm sorry, but get over yourself. Not all Asian men are prone to cheating. Just because you've dated a few Japanese/Asian men does NOT constitute you to go around saying ALL Asian men are the SAME. I've dated a few white men. They've either cheated on me or dumped me for one of my friends. And now whenever I go to the clubs I always AT LEAST get one creepy white guy with the Asian fever hitting on me and saying ignorant things to me while doing it. Do I go around saying ALL white men are cheaters or assholes or ignorant? NO! Grow the fuck up and get your fucking head out of your ass. It's rotting your brain.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

re-evaluate

after all of this... craziness this weekend..
I'm starting to become more thankful of everything..
and more grateful for all my good friends..
People that I didn't think would really care
reached out to me, on their own, to see if I'm okay
and if there was anything they could do..
... even one that I hadn't talked to for... more than a year?
and people that I thought WOULD be the ones reaching out
brushed me off like nothing..
and replied a simple no when I asked them if they know about any lawyers

I think during this time.. Ima start REALLY piecing my life back together
I need to REALLY clean my room..
and get back into reading and writing and painting..
oh oh oh and also Chinese calligraphy

either way.. through all of this.. there's 3 people that's held me together
My Mom, Jun, & Lauren..
I really am glad I have them

Monday, 28 September 2009

Things.. have been busyyy around here..
my laptop's been.. icky.
I'm going to reformat it tonight after work
so hopefully ill get a real post up before or after
I've got a lot of studying to do.
I started remembering why I hated taking a foreign language..
My memory sucks.. at that stuff.. T_T..
eh I SWEAR I'll update soon. and with pictures too ^^
time to get ready for work.